Repost - 20 Things They Never Tell You About Being A Sex Worker

This is a repost from Grace Bellavue an Australian sex worker who has a pretty big presence on Twitter.  You should follow her at @Gracebellavue

If I had known these 20 things I would have done more research, planning and  put more  thought into it.However, did I make the write decision? Yes. I enjoy my job and I love the fact that I don't have to answer to anyone. 

Grace

So I was inspired by this post – ’50 Things they never tell you about being a chef’ and figured I’d do something similar.

Sex work is an amazing journey and one I’ve been on for almost nine years. It can be rough, brutal, inspiring, easy, transformative, heart-breaking and simultaneously empowering and disempowering in the same breath. I’ve worked in agencies and gained my own personal agency as a woman and sex worker. I’ve worked in brothels and also run my own business where I am in complete control over my branding, marketing and clientele.

I get emails frequently from women and men curious about entering the sex industry and often wonder whether they can hack it in the long term mentally, emotionally and physically. Being on the forefront of humanity and entering and being entered by other people on a primal level can take it’s toll. It also has its downsides as anything does. You can’t have the champagne and the hotel suites without a few hiccups or practicalities along the way.

20 Things They Never Tell You About Being A Sex Worker

1. You’ll develop either a depressed or super human immune system. From kissing to swapping spit, touching genitals, pre-cum, cum, girl squirt, fingers in orifices and people touching you – you come in contact directly with a huge range of people from all walks of life. Be prepared to get hooker flu or ride out the winter season safely assured you’re probably immune to all the current viral strands. This doesn’t make you immune to STI’s though. You’ll learn your body IS your business, so the safest sex you can provide whilst keeping your economic goals in mind is healthier for you and the community. You’ll either develop an external outside of work bareback/cum fetish or be so paranoid fucking someone without a condom that you’ll take 50m of plastic wrap where ever you go.
2. Your social life will suffer. Two options. You’re too stressed keeping a massive secret from your friends, family, partner and community to really engage because you’re worrying your secret will get out. If you are open, you’ll be paraded around a party as “Look! My Friend is a Hooker!”. Suddenly your night off is spent answering 100,000 inane and ignorant questions that are deeply offensive and personal. Cosimawhore said it best.
3. Your personal relationships will suffer. Either you’re in the “too hard” basket or someone is just wanting a free fuck, or you’re so exhausted that a little bit of alone time is more satisfying.
4. If you’re working privately, sex work can be very alienating. You’re 24/7 in hotels and apartments or strange clubs either waiting or doing admin or seeing clients. Touring can be isolating. You’ll be grateful for the interstate and international contacts of sex workers when you get cabin fever, or friends. Don’t shit on the sex worker community, they will be your lifesaver when you least expect it.
5. If you’re working in a brothel – be prepared for some of the most competitive and catty environments you’ve ever encountered. Whilst most are good, sex workers are tough and astute creatures, and you will be sussed out. When in, they’re the most amazing community on earth. When you’re arrogant, self entitled, undercut or steal other workers clientele in addition to creating a negative working environment, you will be targeted. Also, don’t underestimate jealousy.

You can read the rest of the post on her blog here.

Torie 

xxx

PS - Beyond excited for my glamour photoshoot on Monday 14 July. I can't wait to share my new photos with you. So check back often.

Beach Ballet

Beach Ballet  on some beach in Denmark -  Katherine Dunham Dance Troupe- Jacqueline Walcott, Francis Taylor and Lou Camacho 

Belle - True Story of a Mulatto Gentlewoman in 18th Century Britian

Dido and her cousin Elizabeth

Hello Reader

I don’t often go to the cinema but this weekend we went to see the film Belle. It’s a period piece and I love historical drama. The BBC’s adaptation of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice  - the one with Colin Firth -  is one of my favourite dramas and I watch the series at least once a year.  I am a sucker for romance and happy endings.

Back to Belle - the film is inspired by the true story of Dido ( great name) Elizabeth Belle the illegitimate  ‘mulatto’ daughter of a English aristocrat – Admiral Sir John Lindsay and a black female slave named  Maria Belle. 

As slaves could not consent I can only imagine that Dido like so many ‘mulatto’ of the time was the product of rape.

 Belle was raised at Kenwood House by her great uncle Lord Mansfield and his wife. 

Due to her linage Belle enjoyed privileges that other mulatto and black slaves were denied.  In the British Colonies she would have been considered a slave but in England she was given an education and raised as a gentlewoman. However, because of her mother’s ‘race’ Belle’s status within the Mansfield’s household was below that of her cousin Elizabeth and thus prevented her from the traditions of noble social standing. While her cousin Elizabeth could dream of having flirtations and finding a suitable husband, Belle’s ambiguous status left her on the side-lines wondering if she would ever find love, get married and be the mistress of her own household.  

 Belle meets the idealistic son of a vicar who is full of passion and determination to change the world for the better. He and Belle help to shape Lord Mansfield’s role as Lord Justice to end Slavery in England.

I enjoyed the film and it was pleasure to see a part of British history – slavery and the black British presence prior to  the Windrush ( 1948) - been depicted in a mainstream film. The Black British presence goes back to Roman times.  By the 18^th Century black people were an integral part of British society:

“They worked in a wide variety of occupations, reacted to atrocities, campaigned to end slavery , became political activists, and had a lively social life"  http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/pathways/blackhistory/work_community/relationships.htm

Prior to seeing Belle I was familiar with the story of Dido. There is a painting of Dido and her cousin Elizabeth which hangs at Scone Palace in Scotland and is owned by the present Earl of Mansfield. The painting was quite unusual and maybe a little scandalous at the time because Dido and Elizabeth are depicted as equal which was unheard of as people of colour where always portrayed in a subordinate role.

I know some people would consider this a female flick whatever that means but if you are interested in British history, morality, slavery or enjoy  a period drama I suggest you go and see this film. 

What I want to See Next

The next film I want to see is Maleficent Starring Angelina Jolie as Maleficent. It’s great to see strong female characters on screen. We need more of them.   The film has been the biggest hit of Angelina’s career. To top it off she’s been made an honorary Dame by the Queen for her work to end sexual violence in conflict.  

Thanks for reading.

P.S It’s past midnight and instead of going to bed I’m going to make a lemon drizzle cake. Let’s hope it turns out OK as I’m a little tipsy as I write. So if this post doesn’t make sense blame it on the  To be Merlot. 

Till my next posting

 x

T   

PPS the reason I don't post often is I'm more of a talker and a listener than a writer. I have a love hate relationship with writing. I do find it therapeutic at times  and other times bloody frustrating. 

So You Are Attracted To Me Because of My Race?

I have been reading a lot about racial fetishes and it’s made me think why it’s wrong to be attracted to a person’s race. What do you mean? Well if you think Asian 'chicks' are submissive, Latina women or hot and black women are freaks, have beautiful skin and  full lips then your attraction is based on race and not that particular woman's  personality or physical attributes. 

 A racial fetish is when someone finds people of another race attractive based on racist stereotypes about that race:   

• Asian women are submissive, weak and know how to look after a man.
• Latina women are hot, fiery and spicy
• Black women are freaks in bed, have attitude and need to be dominated
• How about this one - black men have big dicks.

I am not saying that you cannot find someone of another ‘race’ desirable. It’s Ok to like a woman of colour as people and individuals but it’s not OK to like a woman of colour based on stereotypes. Stereotypes generalise people within a group, emphasising sameness and ignoring individual variety. We are not all the same.

If your attraction is ‘race’ based you are treating women of colour differently from the women of your own race because of the colour of their skin. You are not attracted to that particular woman of colour but your idea of what women from that race are like. Women of colour are human beings too. We cry, get angry, love laugh and have hopes and dreams. We have the same bodily functions as our white female counterparts. 

So to sum up it is Ok to be attracted to someone of a different colour/race or ethnicity than you. But it is not OK when that attraction is based on racist stereotypes. 

So have you been attracted to someone because of their race? Let me know in the comments. 

Tee

Where have I been?

Hello

It's been so long since I've written a post. In fact I think it was spring of last year. What can I say?!  I am more of a conversationalists than a writer. I think the best way to engage with me is via my twitter account @EbonyEscortUK. However, thank all of you who have stuck around. 

I can’t believe that spring 2014 is here already.  I don't want to wish our lives away but in a few months we'll be halfway through the year.

I have been busy living and working and things are going well. I can't promise that I will do regular blogs posts but I won't leave it so long next time. 

Kisses

Torie

The Unexpected.

Hi All

Over the last few months I have experienced a lot of changes which have thrown me for six. However, I am still here.  I know that things happen for a reason but I am still working out why this happened to me? I know that in the long run it’s for the best and it will all turn out OK. But still I am scratching my head.

I have gone from living in the heart of east London to northwest London, zone four.  I can’t just walk anywhere anymore. I have to take the tube. I hate the tube. I have always been a bus girl, so having to get the tube is annoying and irksome.  If that’s not enough it’s about 10 stops on the Metropolitan Line to get into central London and even longer on the Bakerloo Line. Sigh.

Where I am living is very towny and reminds me so much of home which is not a good thing. Although I am still in London,  I could be in the suburbs. This is not my London.  I don’t think that I will get used to living here. However, I know it’s only temporary and I will be moving back to the heart of east London by the end of summer.

As we all know moving house is one of the most stressful things that you can do. They got that right. This has been one hell of a stressful move.  I didn’t know where I was moving to until the last minute.  Yes, February was a month that I am glad to see the back off. March has been better and I hope the rest of the year will just get better and better.

If moving wasn’t stressful enough. I was without broadband for three weeks! That’s how long it took my provider to activate my account. Those three weeks were bloody miserable.  I had to rely on my phone and internet cafes ( which allowed adult content sites) to update my website and online profiles. I felt so self-conscious updating my website in the cafés. I  felt that I was doing something naughty.  

A while back I went to a sex worker drop-in and had the opportunity to meet some great people who I now call friends. It’s so nice to meet others in the industry and share stories, advice and tips. One of the girls I met was a documentary maker and photographer.  We met again over a glass of wine and we got chatting about her project on sex workers.  A asked me if I would like some photos done for my website. Well, I jumped at the chance to get some professional photos . You can see the results on my website – www.torieebonyescort.com I love them. Thanks A!

Until next time.

Yours

Torie x

More Photos From My Sexy shoot

Hey All

I have just added new photos to my gallery at http://torieebonyescort.com. For more raunchy pictures visit my Adultwork profile here.

Hope you are all  having a fun and pleasant weekend. I have just come back from a cheeky half at my local. Now going to pour myself a large glass of red and watch Pride and Prejudice - one of my all time favourites.

Torie x